Just Jenn

I've moved. My new site is SexyDevil635's Xanga Blog

School was just ordinary today, I think its sad when things are just ordinary. But im sort of glad because I've lost all energy and direction in life. Things just sort of seem empty and wasteful now. Its like theres no purpose for anything anymore. The highlights of my school day are as follows.
Alg II-Pop Quiz
Eng II-Tone Lesson
Biology-Library Visit (Aggravating because they had old ladies trying to teach us how to use computers, I wanted to tell her so badly just to shove her ego up her ass, we, the teenagers, should know better than anyone how to use a computer.)
World History-Planning on breaking my teacher, my area of expertise, should be lots of fun. I'm sick of this class allready.
Lunch-Sat with Jason and Tyler, they stole my books and hid trash in them
Spanish- Mi clase de espanol es muy aburrida.
Jazz Ensemble-New Guitarist, yet to pose threat. Has no guitar, expects to use mine, because he thinks its the school's. Not gonna happen. I paid for it and I'm certainly not helping to advance some dorky froshmen.
Chemistry-Got the coolest kid in school as my lab partner for the day. Had to wear dorky goggles that fogged up the whole time cause the room was a zillion degrees. Couldn't read measurements properly(hopes this doesn't effect her grade).

After school I went to the gym, and worked out for like two hours. I saw my chemistry teacher there, she looked diffrent. My mom says I look diffrent. She says I look thinner. I don't see it, I think I still look fat, oh well, I can keep working on such things. I had a dream I was working out last night, I woke up full of energy, coincidence? I drove to la fiesta today, its the first time I've driven in weeks, ever since my horrible day of drunk people turning in front of me, when I just barely missed them, I'd been traumatized. But things are back to normal now. I've lost all paranoia that people are out to get me. Or are they? I was watching the osbournes today. Their son killed their dog, I thought it was very cruel, all though he did it in his sleep. I never saw the end though, cause my dad made me turn it off. I still suck at sims superstar. Until later anyway.

I feel really weird today. This weekend I acomplished absolutely everything I wanted to get done. I cleaned the house, did my homework, got rid of all my junk, hung up posters, went to church and shopped. Church wasn't so bad this morning. The priest was nicer to me, said I should come to church more often, but the whole reason I stopped was because he turned me away once. He said we should get together sometime and do something, god I really hope he forgets. Its miserable to hear all the old greek ladies tell you how big you are as if they've known you since you were two. They couldn't even compliment me, they complimented my grandma on how good looking I am. I don't think I have the energy for greek ladies every weekend, but hey, I had something to pray for today. All the ladies asked me where I went to school, how old I was, if I could drive, and wether or not I had a boyfriend. They all seemed disappointed when I said I didn't. I ran into a group of them at the mall later when I was browsing through dishes and china. We chatted about a friend of our family who's daughter is getting married in greece this year. The ladies told my grandmother soon enough it would be my turn, like they were looking foward to it. I doubt it helped my cause that I was ooohing and ahhing over fiestaware and wine glasses. One of the ladies wanted to set me up with her grandson, who was an alter boy at the church. His story might be intresting, but as for being set up with anyone, I'd have to decline. I think I'm the worlds biggest fan of fiestaware, who doesn't love bright vibrant colors on dishes, its so modern and cool, and if anyone has ever seen my bedroom they'd understand how into modern things I am.
I visited my grandpa in the nursing home today. He was senile as ever. There was an african man taking care of him, he told me he was from tanzinia and also spoke swahili, he seemed like a really intresting guy. The other lady helping him was from Bangkok, she seemed intresting but not as cool. I'd like to be able to tell people I'm from an intresting place. Allthough I'm proud of being from Nebraska, its just not a cool place to be from I guess. I love Nebraska as it is my home state. But to my family it has no real significance. My mom is from NY my dad is from TX and they just went to school in Nebraska, other than that it has no historical significance to me, I still love it anyway. At least my being greek makes up for it, its always a good conversation piece too.
I bought Sims Superstar today, I'm apperently not very good at it yet. I haven't even worked on myself yet, I spent most of the day on this punk ass singer who I plan to kill off anyway.
I vacumed the house in a record 15 mins today. This weekend I earned sixty bucks so easy. The fact that I'm a neat freak really helps me out. I clean and organize other peoples stuff whether they ask me to or not, because I can't help it. Then I swindle my parents into paying me for it, its easy. Hey but I have at least a thousand bucks, no frowns here. So anyway, my day was mainly uneventful, and I have to sleep now because I have school tommorow. I've just got to hold my head up high and try and make it through the week. Hopefully I can distract myself until things get better. I hope I can sit with Jason tommorow. I mean I know hes my ex boyfriend and all but we are still on good terms, besides hes actually intelligent and I don't have to pretend I like him so I can sit with him. Well, later.

Today, I held a bathroom hostage! Thats right, I wanted to get things done, and I held a dirty bathroom hostage. My parents had moved this piece of furniture into the hallway last week because I no longer wanted it in my room, but they just left it there and every night when I walked through the hall in to dark I ran into it. I was frustrated. I asked my parents nicely a while back if they wouldn't mind moving it soon, they said sure why not. but it had been days today and I was tired of walking into it, so I bugged them all day, and then just decided I wouldn't clean their dirty bathroom unless they moved it, needless to say, it was gone before the end of the day. And as for scum, well, it was gone too after I cleaned the bathroom. I killed a spider today. I was standing over it, all powerful, I was probably more scared of it than it was of me at the time. I wonder if it knew it was about to die. I gave it a second to have a flashback of its life and then I squashed it. I felt kind of guilty just ending its life that way, but I'm really scared of spiders and well I beat it. It looked like a perfectly nice, harmless spider. I'm almost sure it wasn't poisonous. It looked like just a baby spider. As much as I really did hate it, I still felt horrible about the fact that I killed him. I even gave him a burrial at sea, well I flushed him down the toilet just to make sure he was dead anyway. In case he wasn't, then he'd drown. I'm just mean like that. I worked out today at the ymca. I took my brother as a guest, it cost me five bucks but oh well. We got in a game of raquetball, swam some and lifted weights. My brother learned today that I am officially, the beast. He thinks hes physically fit, but I could lift five or ten times the amount he could. I swam fourty laps today, not that he could compete with me as he is unable to swim. Its always fun to completely school the younger generation, and teach them some respect. Hehe. I was craving taco bell afterward, so I had some for lunch. It was just as delicious as ever. I came home and realized I was a neat freak. I reorganized the whole house. I even cleaned my brother's room. I bet most sisters don't do that, my brother doesn't realize how lucky he is. He has a sister that cares about him and tries to be nice and agreeable with him, we stay on good terms which is cool, cause hes like my homie. We stick up for each other, and work as a team to swindle our parents. I had penne vodka for dinner, yummy. It would have tasted better with wine, but apparently I'm not allowed to drink anymore. UGH! Ever since my brother had his stupid emergency room visit for spinning in circles while intoxicated, my dad has disallowed the children in this house from drinking. I don't think its fait that I should get punished because my brother chose to spin in circles. But anyway. I watched pulp fiction tonight, I thought it was a pretty cool movie. Bruce Willis was pretty awesome. So was John Travolta though. I did all my homework, this is a first for me, doing all my homework the Saturday before school and not late Sunday night, maybe I'll relax tommorow, I doubt it. Theres still a lot to be done. I've got to hang up my signs, and do something with my computer. I guess I'll go to church tommorow, its been a while, I don't know if I'm up for all those greek old lady attacks that early in the morning though, we'll see if I manage to make it to church. Later.

Ummmm, Today was intresting, as is always the case. My days are always so life affirming. Note my extreme sarcasm in the previous statements. School was a drag today, I got to attend the sophomore class meeting, as if anyone really gave a crap that rule twenty-six, subsection "J" had had the scope extended over the summer. Not me. There was a paedeia disscusion in English class. We discussed duties and morality and such. I, being the naieve child I am, was mistakenly believing that people have a a duty to help out mankind and society. However as my fellow students corrected me, people are selfish and only look out for themselves. I don't know what kind of people they are, but how they live with them selves at the end of the day is beyond me. The rest of the day sort of just drifted by in non-existance, allthough be it time consuming non-existance. I went to greensboro today, hung around at the Icehouse. Somehow I wish that the Ice house could be refering to consumption of large amounts of alcohol quickly, sadly enough its an ice rink. Later I had a snickers blizzard at dairy queen, thank god for that. I don't even care if I weigh a half a pound more as a result. It helped me relax. I'm really glad its friday, because if it wasn't i'd prolly off myself, I don't think I could handle another day of school in a row. I watched two movies tonight; The Life of David Gale and American Beauty. Yes its my semi-annual Kevin Spacey film fest, jk. They were both fantastic movies. Kevin Spacey however must have a liking for working on films where his character fucks teenagers. Even as good as the movies were, they were ohhh so depresing. Kevin Spacey is really old to be doing movies. I feel old sometimes. My brother proclaimed I was too old to say "thats a tricked out car" today. Need I remind him that I'm a teenager, teenagers invented these words and I intend to use them. I am certainly not TOO old yet. I learned a lot today. I think its because I put every emotion in my metaphorical blender today. All my love, hate, insecurity, age, confusion, longing, loneliness, depression, anxiety, happiness, pain, and worrying. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling right now, I think I've learned something, but I have no idea what. I really wish I was dead, life isn't worth living this way. I wake up, go to school, come home, study and sleep. Its not even varied ever, its more like something I do to pass the hours, a process, miserable if you ask me. How I long to play softball. Do you ever reach a point when you are comfortable with the fact that you have one thing you can always enjoy even in the most miserable of times? I miss softball I really do. I miss squating behind the plate with all my gear on. I miss the smell of the dirt on my fingers after practice. I miss the sting on my palm after every pitch. I miss hearing the the clink when my bat hits the ball. I miss the pounding of my feet when I'm sprinting towards first base. I miss high fives from teamates after a fabulous play, I miss crying on the bus back home from a bad game. Even in its worst moment, I still enjoyed softball more than most things in my life. How I long for batting cage therapy. Just to go and get my anger out. I'm not even sure its so much anger, than just being lonely. I miss having someone to talk to late at night the last thing before I go to sleep. I think I need a good cry, I'm not so much sad as just scared and alone, things with change I hope. If not, I'd like to be burried in a cornfield, in Nebraska, then I'd be at home.

Well, school was better today. I didn't quite enjoy it, but it wasn't horrible. It distracted me from how sad I am for the remainder of the day. I'm partially glad that school is back in session. My homework gives me something to fill the hours. At least I'm a better student now. I've started studying for tests and I'm doing well. My teachers are getting better, except for the one. He lives down the street from me, hes really about to get on my nerves. I need to find someone to be Brutus in helping me stage an overthrow. Maybe some pencil drops, book slammings, or obscene inquisitiveness. He's earned it though. He'd tested us on the honor code, spent a whole day explaining the concept of the table of contents, and today he had a write an essay on how we planned to be successful in World History, I've never written a more sarcastic essay in my life. Honestly though, I'm staging a revolution, I will not tolerate being treated like a three year old.
I never feel much like eating anymore, its sort of become something that is optional for me, I had a cookie at lunch and some fruit punch, wasn't very hungry, never am anymore. Its hard to feel hungry when your depressed, somehow watching yourself wither away is almost a happy sight. At least I have soemthing to smile about when I realize I'm still hungry in seventh period. I haven't eaten meat for like three weeks, I feel strangely healthy. I need to go to the gym, I am in desperate need of a good swim, just to relax, unwind and burn some calories. I need help, but I don't want it, I really don't, I'm sick and tired of people telling me whats wrong with me, theres always something wrong with me, is anything right with me? NO!
Ugh, I'm slightly agravated, which I usually don't allow myself to be, but I can't help it I think its the default reaction I get when I haven't had a decent talk with a human being in forever. I need sleep, maybe tommorow will be better. The sophomore class meeting is tommorow, I wonder what they will discuss. I don't really care, I hope it takes all day, I don't want to go to class, I'm overwhelmed. Froshmen don't realize how lucky they are not to have as many books as I do. Maybe I'll wake up on the right side of the bed tommorow. Its kind of hard though, because my bed is up against a wall and theres only one side to get up on. Maybe its the wrong side. I guess I'll have to rearrange my room again. Later.

Hmmm, well today was intresting enough. I got up this morning, went to school.
First period I had Alg II Honors with Ms. Caison. She had intresting problems for us to solve, none of them had answers as i recall, but I learned something. She gave us a list of pages to do in our book, really kind of icky learning from the book, it makes me apreciate last year when I had geometry how cool Mr. Shepard is. He didn't teach from the book, helped students every day after school and let you make up tests so that you could learn from your mistakes. I miss his class, oh well.
Second Period was sort of cool but not really. I had English II Honors with Mr. Meacham. We talked alot about shakespeare and the globe theater, which was good cause I learned all about it last year in english class, obviously no one else has a photographic memory like me, cause i was the only one who remembered everything. He's assigned us an essay for tommorow, it'll be our first quiz grade. I'm not really thrilled cause I'm not the best writter ever, but lets hope a can write a persuasive argument and state my case well, I'd really like to earn my extra quality point this year. I contested a grade he gave me yesterday, of course he admitted he checked them rather quickly and didn't notice that I had put things down. Its ok though, I at least get half points back, which still makes it an "A," yay!
Third Period was fun, Biology Honors with Ms. Keill. We had a quiz, which I had actually studied for, I thought it was easy, I always think tests are easy tho, they are super easy when you study for them tho. For the rest of the period we watched "The History of Biology." 4000 years of history covered in 22 mins. That narrator was talking like one of those guys from a car commercial, ugh, it was impossible to take notes.
Fourth Period was stupid. World History with Mr. Keith, who actually turns out to be one of my neighbors, so my mom says I have to be nice, thats no fun, oh well. This guy spent all class period explaining to us the concept of The Table of Contents. I wanted to strangle him, "Shut Up and teach us, we can read the table of contents on our own time, we don't need it explained and itemized, argh!"
Lunch was better than usual, I sat with Jason Turner, which was good cause i had someone to sit with, but bad because I had to pretend I was into him so he'd let me. We sat with Bryan's ex girlfriend, she seemed jovial as ever, and all over other guys, disgusting if you ask me, for a greek she should behave better.
Fifth Period was really lame. I have Ms. Shotwell for Spanish II. We just reviewed things I learned in Spanish I. Vocab and such. I could really live without it. The child with photographic memory needs no review.
Sixth Period was different. I had Jazz Ensemble with Mr. Hauser. I got to play my guitar for a grade. Kevin was right Jazz Guitar is all about play obscenely ridiculous chords. I knew some of them, but the rest were lame. I practiced them tonight, hopefully I'll do better tommorow. I still had lots of fun.
Seventh Period, All Hail Seventh Period. The my last and favorite class ever. I had Chemistry with Ms. Tetterton, who btw is the coolest teacher ever. Chemistry is fun, I could see myself doing well at this. Today for no reason at all I sat down and read a hundred pages of my chemistry book, I even did a bunch of the problems it was fun.
Bell rings, Halleluja! The days seem longer now, filled with more work and less jovial times. I thought high school was supposed to be fun, well at least I'll get into a good college if I keep it up.
I lug twenty pounds of books down to the parking lot, heavy as anything. I had tons of homework, It took me until seven to finish it all. But I had nothing better to do anyway. I went to Greensboro and got a floppy drive added to my computer this evening. I'm considering getting a tv card, that would so rock to be able to watch TV in my room.
Well I'm back home now, and I'm exhausted, maybe I'll sleep soon. Later.

Hmmm, well I'm back from vacation now, as you can obviously tell. Things are miserable as ever. School is in session again, the first day was yesterday. I met all my teachers yesterday. Then they lectured us on their rules and procedures, its was very repetitive and boring by 7th period. I had a whole stack of papers that needed parent signatures on them, all stating common sense rules. Morality should tell you to at least be that decent, no need to state it to make a contract out of it. Ughhhh
My teachers are ok in general I guess. In particular I really like both of my science techers and my english teacher. They seem like generally cool and dedicated people. I can tell I might enjoy world history and algebra II less because of the teachers. On of them is an bible preaching NRA member and the other is evil and out for revenge. But hopefully they wont give me too much trouble.
I'm crazy this year, I've decided to take three honors classes and two sciences. However I see myself being a slightly better student this year. I have nothing better to do than study and do my homework. I'll pay attention in class and get plenty of sleep at home. Maybe I wont procrastinate and will plan things ahead of time, one can only hope I guess.
Our cafeteria has been renovated this year, they claim its the coolest cafeteria in the nation. Its cool I guess, but in a lame sort of way. They've changed it so that it looks completely like a diner from the 50s. Our school was built in the fifties so it blends right in really. But everything is chrome and shiny with neon lights and it sort of looks anachronistic. But hey its better than last year. The food hasn't changed much, still the same old stuff they served before. Last year they had a "C" sanitation grade, I can only hope they've improved that, but until then, I'm still not touching any food comming from the line. I try and stick with factory processed, vaccum sealed products from the vending machines. At least I know I won't get e. coli. I might just boycott lunch all together this year. I have the third shift of lunch again this year. Which realy sucks for two reasons. Firstly because all the food is gone by then anyway. Secondly because the only people in third lunch are freshman and a few unlucky people like me, I have no one with which to enjoy my meal, I think I'll just stay in the library and study. I'd get better grades and I'd lose a few pounds too.
No body is any of my classes this year, one student pointed out the reason I didn't know anyone in my classes was because most of the classes im taking are junior level classes. One of my teammates is in like seven jillion of my classes but we don't get along very well, which isn't much help to me. Maybe things will change, besides we'd prolly play softball better if we were a little more congenial to each other. Then again I don't mind so much being all by myself, as long as I don't get depressed enough to kill myself, I do better when I'm alone.
So anyway, today was quite uneventful, I tossed my chips in homeroom and they sent me home. Thats the second time in three days I've felt sick. My days in general are miserable now, I think it could be withdrawl symptoms, I'm in desperate need of a snickers bar. Well until I can get one I have school to distract me, and I can catch up on my sleep. My days are boring as ever after I finish my work and study for a while. I need an activity of some type to occupy me. I can't wait for softball season. Well until next time I guess.